#280 be strong

fight your own battles and make it on your own.

i have lots of questions in mind and it ultimately boils down to one.

and i must trust that you are true to me.

#279 magic.

i am heading for NBS. my fate is sealed: i have accepted both the course and Nanyang Scholarship.

wonder what will happen if i change my mind and suddenly change my choice? or is it that i can't change my choice anymore?

my mum is so reluctant to let me go to NTU.. she says that we should all move to the west so that i can be near to home. but i want to stay in Tampines even after university so that is a really bad option. i think she sees the ludicrousness of her suggestion as well.

okay i feel a weight lifted off now that i've accepted this. finally can stop wavering between the schools.

i've got a new tuition kid and first lesson is this saturday, 2 bus stops away from my house yay (: really hoping that all goes well..

i feel like the past few days have been a blur and i don't have much idea of what i did at all. vaguely remembering heading to paya lebar for lunch, window shopping, expo and.. that's about it. today was work. pretty much uneventful, but apparently a bag was stolen yesterday with the inktag still intact! Elyn had to rush to make a police report but couldn't leave isetan until i came. the bag costs 400$ you know! imagine how much i could buy with that..

UPDATES:
a few photos from last week, when i stayed over at Nick's and we headed to I12 (:

KATONG LAKSAAA *slurps* we were both extremely hungry at that point of time so this tasted really good! i want to eat this again soon but i am supposed to be trying my best to lose weight..

Marble Slab's ice-cream! this costs a whopping 8$ which is pretty steep i think. it's good, the chocolate ice cream is delish and i love the crunchy graham crackers mixed in as well.. but Cold Stone wins hands down i love Cold Stone!!

i remember that we had lunch-dinner-dessert in a span of 3 hours. #reasonswhyiamfat

and that Nick had a bad tummyache because of.. HK milk tea i think. we had it in the mornoon.

the next day was the Genting trip and i woke up at 4 in the morning and Nick called at 5+ before i boarded the bus. he was preparing to sleep after a longgg night of (probably) playing Skyrim and soccer. it was my morning and his night. topsy turvey.

my photo of Nick so that i can 'see' him even at Genting. no nice pose.

photo from night before. oh we went to Simpang for supper at 2 in the morning. yet another reason why i am fat.

i put together this collage of photos at work today.. was too bored. look, HAIR *points excitedly*

hehehe.

work tomorrow again. am hoping that it will be.. okay there is nothing much that i can hope for.

will not be seeing Nick until next weekend. i miss him already and i hope that he doesn't fall even more sick.

i really can never stay mad at him for long. everytime i see him somehow everything falls into place. it's like magic.

like this; sun rays beaming onto the flowers.. okay i have no idea how i can artistically express myself. i have no talent for being expressive at all.

okay i need to sleep soon, terrible complexion due to lack of sleep.

plans for upcoming weeks: Momoya and Carnivore buffet, Harry Potter exhibition, Snow White and the Huntsmen movie, shopping because it's GSS.

i have decided not to work anymore (except one tuition- or maybe they wouldn't want me after one lesson as well sigh) because of Nick's erratic army schedule. he will only work when i've started university (he has a weirdly free army schedule)

my mum commented that i should stop work as well, when i told her that next month i wouldn't be working for BB anymore. yay.

i really hope that that weekend will be free for you.

#278 independent i must be

i have no idea what is the meaning of this. it seems to me that you are portraying a split persona.

oh, what the hell. it really isn't up to me to control you anyway.

driving today was alright, hit the maximum speed that i ever went before and apparently it's Mab's max speed when she was still driving with L plate too. 60km/h seems scarily fast already i have no idea how i'm ever going to drive on the expressway. 6th lesson today, and it's about 2 months to my practical test! hopefully i will pass!

went to shop a little on my own and had blizzard again. no idea why i opted for that over Udders, though. i wanted to cheer myself up by buying a little something for myself but all the things that i wanted were not 'little' in terms of their prices even though GSS has started. or it was also due to the impracticality of my wants. do i really need a sparkler? the bottle is really pretty but it seems quite redundant. do i need a pair of flats that cost as much as the amount i earn in a day? (i earn a pitiful amount everyday standing at work, so i shouldn't be wasting an entire day's pay on shoes that are not a necessity right?)

Lord, do i need to rant now. i am so sick of feeling this way.

i need to be on my own. i cannot rely on you anymore. i see that now. i only can meet you when it is convenient and when you are not meeting your friends.

/you didn't have to cut me off

#277 want to see something cool?

was watching Green Hornet on the way back, jay chou is damn cool in it i like! but they cut the show halfway while i was watching-.-

Genting trip was WAY TOO SHORT i am so depressed seriously. have to return to reality, and i think i'm the only person who has work tomorrow? sigh. feel like sleeping the whole day away though.. and work again on thursday, thankfully its afternoon shift or else i think i really will die of exhaustion.

photos are largely with Tingwei so i shall blog a proper post of the trip when i get the photos! for now i will just post a group photo from today(:

#276 bushed

got back from work at 10. feeling extremely fat because i am approximately 3-4 kg heavier than what i used to be, what the hell. i am seriously extremely far from my ideal weight and am currently the heaviest that i've ever been in my whole entire life. woe is me.

perhaps i may sound shallow for being upset about this but it affects my self confidence and i don't have very much of that left in me now. really feeling like i am just a ball of fats rolling around going through the motions of life.

currently having doubts about my choices as well. all three schools offering the exact same course.. was this a wise move on my part?

and nick hasn't called tonight.. it's one of the rare days that he has been MIA the entire day. where are you? ):

extinguish it. come on, how long has it been already..

#275 imy.

cannot wait for friday when nick books out! didn't talk much just now, he asked 'are you okay?' so many times and i heard it as something else so many minus one times.

timbre with the naughty gang today, and before that me and euge passed our FTT! yay! fun but tiring day and we all have work tomorrow. miss times like this i really love them(:

see how this funny boy pretends to sleep when i want to take a photo!

#274

i feel a whole rush of emotion after reading something from somewhere.. but i can't type it all out. i just can't.

and it feels terrible :'(

you aren't here.

#273 HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY

work today was from 930-530! really tired today but not because of the job. more like the lack of sleep sigh i woke up startled by my alarm and that always feels terrible..

work was with stephen (?) in the afternoon! won't get to work with him anymore though! he cut me a BB bull from the cut pieces of belts and it looks like an elephant haha shall post a photo of it soon.

met my parents for dinner after work, we had an unsatisfying meal at delifrance ): thereafter was birthdays/mothers' day celebration at my cousins' house! one cake for 5 people! 1 birthday today, 1 tomorrow and 1 more somewhere in May as well. and 2 mothers! therefore the cake.

my mum wouldn't let me buy anything for her, so i sneaked to ntuc before meeting my parents after work to get her strawberry pudding. bet it'll be finished by tomorrow!! (:

today was alright, better than expected in fact. hoping that lunch tomorrow with Euge and Ding will pull me through work sighhhh.

oh i need to email OCBC right now. hope that they won't hate on me. my mind is pretty much set already.

picture of cake and Mothers' Day cookies! (not made by me i have no time)

#272

my ONE storm trooper nail!! i need striper polish soon. cannot draw straight lines neatly.

haha okay night~

#271 live, laugh and love.

just came back awhile ago from dinner with Nutellas at Ding Tai Fung! virgin trip for Lynny and Chanty (: the whole time just zoomed past so quickly.. talked and crapped about so many things: while talking about cute dogs and how Gubbio eats spiders we strayed and moved on to multi-coloured lizards. i think there was an awkward pause because we didn't really know how we ended up with that topic.

Nick called halfway, and he said that i was bad because i cannot really talk to him. funny boy. he still doesn't want to check his status online and wants to leave it till the weekends. really anxious and excited to know actually BUT HE DOESN'T WANT TO CHECK.

work tomorrow afternoon, and i just realised an hour ago that my FTT is on 16th and not 17th. the person booked wrongly for us i think. screws up my schedule a little but thankfully nothing major..

okay i should sleep now goodnight!

hope to meet the Nutellas again at the end of this month!

and i want to watch Avengers this saturday. MUST MUST MUST. Nick should get out of camp earlier *fingers crossed*

on a side note, i love the fact that i am once again reading. finished quite a few of James Patterson, one by Sheila O Flanagan and just borrowed Delirium by Lauren Oliver! hoping to read more before university starts.. really enjoying the process of flipping page after page!

#270 never let me go

some photos of buffet town from a long time back, and some recent ones too!

i love this boy so much (:

#269 decisions, decisions.

speak now.

good afternoon/night with Nick yesterday, we went to astons at the airport for late dinner! i like the feeling of being at the airport; always getting the urge to just fly off. pity a passport is required to do so. i really want to fly off on an airplane with friends! hoping that this dream would be fulfilled in July, before school starts. seriously. i gotta save up some moolah to do so and that isn't even happening because i'm earning so little.

and it seems that SMU doesn't want to give me the scholarship? sigh. i was hoping for it though, so that it would make my decision much easier. why don't they want to give me anything? is everything leading me to NTU?:/ damn far, seriously.

work today with Nicholas, part timer at BB. he has tons more experience though. crowd wasn't as crazy as i'd expected it to be since today's a public holiday, which is a good thing (: Jinni & Sydney dropped by, Euge came to eat with me during my break, my parents came because they were going to Singtel to change phones (both also!) and Nick came to see me for awhile too! pity that there were quite a lot of people when he came by, le sigh.

i am tired but not tired. i'm not even making sense. my life seems to be so hectic even though i'm not accomplishing anything. nonsensical much.

hating my schedule for the whole of this month. hardly any free time to meet up with people who i want to meet. may be a blessing in disguise though as it would mean that there are less opportunities for me to spend.

meeting Nick tomorrow and we're probably heading to town. really craving for a good getaway.

#268 work. again.

work today at isetan and i am damn tired. elyn was really nice though she didn't eat for the whole day but still kept fussing about me and told me to go take a break and when i told her to go eat instead she said that i should eat because i have to stay till closing. i told her to leave earlier because she still has work tomorrow but she still stayed till 7+ -.- and customers are really weird when they don't come there's not a single soul but they will surely come all at once which is so stupid.

my day was just.. work.

mab came to pass me her shirt, thankyouuuuu maby ^^ your brother is so cute ahaha.

okay the point of this post was to thank mab hahaha (she told me to blog) she's unemployed again after her relief stint at ngee ann!! whole day long only got sofa treatment for her legs right *grins*

#267 exhausted

i am exhausted from today's activities. so draining seriously, haven't felt this tired in a long time..

managed to extend my deadline for the acceptance of the Nanyang Scholarship, thanks to Brenda for telling me that i could do so otherwise i would be fretting over this for the next 2 weeks.. now i have an extra 2 weeks to fret about it think through it carefully.

first day of Braun Buffel work tomorrow! i have a feeling that i'll be really tired and all. hoping that all goes well! driving on friday and i must book my etrial by then or else i can just get screwed already. haven't started studying for my FTT at all.

today was a long long day. woke up at 610 (!!!) and my dad sent me to SMU. reached there ultra early, at 720. Brenda too. we were both hoping for a jam which didn't occur. met Laura too, Brenda and her ended up in the same group so lucky! my group is pretty awesome though, i think the day was bearable because of Eunice(: i really hope that i can end up in the same school as her! her GPA is awesome but she thinks its okay only i'm like -.- zz.

the last interview was really intensive and i would totally hate the guys when they were being fierce but lucky for them they were good looking. Eunice thought so too HAHA. all the smart people in SMU are blessed with good looks too huh? our leader was pretty cute too and i think she's really smart.

kbye i am really tired.

#266 bad day turned good

today started off like any other day. i watched a few episodes of shows, bathed, and prepared to head out to run certain errands.

turns out i could not fix nick's bike yet because the stupid stand is stuck and there was no one around to help me with it, so fml i decided not to fix it today. one errand undone. headed to the round market on foot. opened a new ocbc savings account and that went pretty smoothly, can't wait for my pretty cupcakes card! went into 7-11 and selected items to blow my remaining ezlink value on but the cashier told me that my card has expired! NONSENSE I SAW THAT IT EXPIRES ON 30TH APRIL )': whatever. 9$ gone only. FML. i walked out and was contemplating going to another 7-11 to try buying stuff. then i realised that my cookie monster anti dust cap was missing! wasn't the first time i realised but this time IT WASN'T IN MY BAG. wasn't on the floor near me either. i retraced my steps but still couldn't find it, thus i was really upset because my cookie monster was unique! so far i haven't seen anyone having the same cap:/

that's why i was upset. now that i'm typing all these out, i feel pretty stupid to be feeling thaat upset just now heh.

trained down to novena to look for my mum, and i got great news there. well, not because of the location but because i checked my email.

I GOT AWARDED THE NANYANG SCHOLARSHIP OHMYMYMYMY~

seriously i never thought that they would give it to me! i probably have the shittiest CCA records amongst all the applicants but they still gave it to me!(: so happyyyy. the benefits are tempting me so much but i'm still hoping that SMU might give me something too!

drawback of the scholarship: i have to accept it by 14 may or the offer will lapse. not cool.

LKCSP interview is on wednesday, and i have no idea when they will get back to me. and NUS Law.. they said they will get back to me by mid-may, which i highly suspect can range anywhere from 10-20 may.

so what should i do? can someone tell me pleaseeeeee.

should i get my cookie monster cap again? i was pretty upset about it and nick said he'll buy another one for me. he doesn't even know where online did i buy it from, though its pretty easy to guess.

andddd i met him earlier than i expected! gonna see him again tomorrow for dinner too. life seems to be looking up(: i hope this would continue!