#249

i'm up before 11 on a Saturday morning. i'm supposed to be rushing to my cousin's house to scan all the documents i need and also i need to transfer funds to jinni and ding but i'm just sitting here now. seriously where did my sense of urgency and all those panic go to?? i think i'll never be able to finish my applications at this rate :'(

i read something interesting. well, okay it was vaguely interesting to me and i feel like commenting on it but i may make me seem like a bitch so i shall just keep the thoughts to myself! blogging at home so early in the morning~~

okay i really need to rush to do things already. at least i've.. nah i haven't done anything so nothing to say. shall go and book THG tickets or just walk over to buy if i've got time. my cousin stays opposite tampines central :)

610 or 630? i would prefer shaw but it's at 610.

that was random.

need to go. perhaps if i'm so relieved that i finished my applications, i'll blog again tonight!

#248 NOOOOO :(

haha. this was on 9gag a few days ago i think? so true for me. for someone who 'wants to tone up and lose weight', i'm an absolute failure seriously.

Nick isn't booking out today, so sad sighhhhhh.

hoping to watch THG tomorrow i shall try to settle it by tonight! should i book the tickets to avoid disappointment? it seems a little overzealous though, since the movie's already been out for one week.. but i really want to watch it. i hope that Nick's booking in on monday, or at least later at night on sunday..

less than 2 hours of work left and then it will be the weekends! i hope this weekend will be good and the sudden invasion wouldn't feel too bad.. i can only hope though. somehow there's this fear that things are just going to get worse only.

watching Show Hand now, episode 5 already. think i'll finish it way before i end work on thursday. free cone day on tues with my girlies! looking forward, but i've got SMU interview before that sigh hope everything goes well.

oh yeah, note to self. i have to call NTU back to change the date (on monday)

should i head down to MBS tomorrow? i have no one to go with though.. #lonelygurl93

(update)

i have no freaking time to go to MBS even if i wanted to. i just realised how screwed i am for my applications. procrastination got me into this mess seriously i feel absolutely terrible now i feel like just forgoing all of these but it's really like throwing chances down the drain so i shall just try my best when i wake up, to settle every single thing and tune in to a well deserved movie and dinner at night.

i shall just be calm and put my trust in the Lord. praying to Him makes me feel all better, though i'm still panicky about Mr T not replying hope he doesn't ignore my message otherwise i'm pretty much screwed big time as that's not within my control..

#247 PLL

finished the episode today and i think the girls really look so gorgeous! :) the ending's pretty stupid Lucas appeared for 3 seconds in the entire episode after disappearing from the lake sometime back. and the person wearing the Black Swan costume.. urgh. it's really not convincing at all i need to watch season 3 now now now!

doing my work at a snail's pace while plugging in, i feel terrible about it but i'm really too tired to be bothered about it too much. hoping that Nick will book out on friday and not get guard duty? and hopefully we get to go to Sunway!

an hour plus more to go, and i'm going to meet yj for dinner later! :)

something intrusive happened, and i really don't like it but who am i to complain about it? because other people are feeling worse than i am so i just have to accept it. i'm feeling really uncomfortable as this seems to be a long term problem and not just for now. i really don't want things to be like that, and thus i need the getaway even more than people even realise.

i just pray for everything to be fine, and i'll put my trust in You.

#246

watched Glee today when i reached home. was watching PLL on the way home too haven't finished the episode yet.. shall continue tomorrow!

am so sleepy nowww sigh i haven't done my applications AGAIN deadlines are looming closer and closer..

hoping to go to Sunway during blocked leave! :)

I can see your shadow laying in the moonlight
I can feel your heartbeat playing on my right side

#245 it's hard to keep things in,

sometimes.

i want to show how i truly feel but i can't do it. loser-ish behaviour right, i know.

route march was until 2 last night, thank goodness i didn't wait till Nick called otherwise i would literally just be in a coma and not hear my alarm at all. then i would not get a day's worth of pay which would be so saddd because i'm already so broke.

met Nutellas at 18chefs last night for dinner! my fellow broke girl didn't come though she had to rush her dad's card hope it turned out really nice :) dinner was a catch up session, and 4 of us were there before 715 waiting for chantyyy. and Elis recounted her bad day sigh she's such a poor thing at work seriously doing so much more than reception!!

watched PLL episode 24 on the way home last night, and continued it this morning on the way to work. it's giving me so damn many more questions than answers! the dolls are creepy but somehow i felt more creeped out from the previous episode (and i have no idea why) shall watch the finale SOOOOON. maybe later on the way back and then finish it tomorrow. shall save money today and eat noodles for lunch, and watch last night's Unriddle on xinmsn :)

no one will even give me an answer, but should i get these T bar mary janes?? i know the platforms are nicer and with the rounded front but i'm tempted by these too..

7 hours to the end of work, excluding lunch. can't wait. but it means that i have to go home and get my applications done. how do i go about doing the FA ones?

[11:30PM]

shoots its so late already i just finished HIMYM and i should probably head to bed.. i might be able to go overseas with Nick afterall. MIGHT only. so it really depends on when the schools contact us hopefully everything will work out perfectly! and maybe there will be another trip as well? things are looking up, and its 7 more working days left before i get to rest and playyyy!

i didn't complete any applications today sigh.

#244 every.single.small.thing

i am feeling so screwed up now. its like a freaking routine every single sunday and i hate this routine. i can't wait to get out of the house i swear.

you just keep going on and on and on. i don't even have a right to say anything at all. everything i say is wrong.

#243 3PM

i'm waiting for 3pm why won't time pass faster? oh wait but it means i have to be done with my work toooo i'm doing things so slowly today came to office to print my checklist and to photocopy all those documents need to submit to SMU haha. #cheapo

really want to watch THG this weekend but it seems unlikely, tickets sell out quickly the only way is to book online but i don't know if i should.. don't have my card with me anyway no idea where it is also.

this morning i set my mind to buy the bag i saw the other day at Bugis (the one i really want but decided against for another one) but now i think i shouldn't. am still a broke girl. 2 broke girls R us.

waiting for the pantry to be emptier so that i can go and take ice cream heh. my colleagues are laughing at something my supervisor did, haha. what an effective way to prevent loss of stationary when she's in Philippines.

today's Florence's last dayyyyy we cabbed to and fro to Scotts to eat :) okay now i'm just typing random stuffs down because i don't want to get started on my work. i've been back at my desk for more than half an hour already.

why won't you call already!

'When you truly care for someone, their mistakes never change your feelings because it's the mind that gets angry but the heart still cares.' @TheVowbook

#242 God knows we're worth it

been listening to this song everyday! :) (Jayesselee version)

waiting for lunch now. oh it seems that Rachel is done the moment i start blogging-.-

back from lunch now! meeting Euge later but she has to stay back for her meeting sighhhh i gotta wait so long for her shall stay back to use computer for awhile and leave same time as Rachel :)

can't wait to buy new things! but my budget is soooo tight that i can't even afford anything much i think. i'm just going to make myself sad later only, when i see all the things that i want but can't afford..

Jinni and I are 2 broke girls. like the show. and yet we still want to buy more stuff.

and people apply for internships 6 months beforehand, for a 2-4 week internship, unlike me. i am applying for it about 2-3 weeks before oh dear.

am supposed to be keying invoices but i'm currently having a headache why oh why :( i want to enjoy later and have fun. and hopefully sleep early tonight- i am sooooo sleepy today. didn't sleep well last night.

at least last night was quite productive. i finished everything on my to-do list that i drafted on a post-it note.. one university application down, 2 more to go. and lots more applications that i cannot screw up already. STB has rejected me already which means that most likely Keppel has too le sigh.

this post is really random but i think i'm going through a short phase of bipolarity. i was so happy just now but all that has gone and left me i'm feeling absolutely dreary.

And when you're needing your spaceTo do some navigatingI'll be here patiently waitingTo see what you find

#241

lunch at Senso today!

i used the Blogger app to upload the photos but i can't seem to get them in the order i want URGH. i can't even edit/shift the photos using my computer this is so stupid.

i give up trying to arrange the photos already haha.

this pretty tart was presented in such a lovely manner :) panna cotta was replaced with this strawberry tarlet with mascarpone ice cream! i would have loved to try the panna cotta though..

Rachel's appetiser, some baby spinach salad with bacon, avocado puree and honey mustard dressing!

my appetiser, beef cappaccio. it was my first time trying this sort of dish.. and to be honest i don't really fancy such food. this is kind of like seasoned raw wagyu beef? i don't know how to appreciate it properly!

tiramisu! nice but really quite sickly sweet after having too much.. and i was feeling sooooo full after finishing it :(

my veal ravioli! does veal=baby cow?? :'( it didn't really taste like beef though i could only taste a great deal of mushroom sauce..

Rachel's beef cheek.. it's not thaaaat good after a few bites and she made me eat quite a fair bit of it as she was feeling full already! too bad ChunYuan wasn't sitting nearer to us, otherwise he would have finished it for her. confirm chop. he eats so much and doesn't even get filled up.

okay that's all! i'm so tired today and i don't even know why.. waiting for Nick to call me now i want to talk to him i really hope that he can call tonight.

i hate university applications.

#240 lonely friday

currently waiting for yj so that we can take train back together! sighhhhh i don't know when is Nick going to book out i feel so depressed now. my whole week of not even getting a text/call for him ends up like this today :( i thought that if i could see him more this weekend then it would be worth it..

work these days is really pretty good. i'm going to miss working at Senso, but good riddance to the early mornings! :) i'll really miss the people i go to lunch with though; we just discovered a new place that we all really like but in three weeks, 3 of us would have left already!!

i saved as draft just now because yj arrived already.. and till now there still isn't any news from bb i feel like emogurl93 :'(

tomorrow can be considered a special day. well it is, actually.

oh i had dinner with Nutellas yesterday, at Nakhon again! :) although it was kind of at different timings, at least we all got to eat there!! and Thai food cures my throat somehow, weird but gooooood^^

during work yesterday, i had food too! shane from marketing went down to the EC branch to do some photoshoot (i think) and he brought food back! he took orders of cupcakes from us and brought back 2 boxes full of cupcakes! they have awesome frosting, seriously! and he also brought lots of food back from Spizza: stuffed portobello mushrooms, lasagna, calamari, chicken wings, ravioli stuffed with spinach and ricotta cheese.. and more that i forgot what they were called oops.

pictures of food are all below. i want to eat all of them now i'm feeling hungry againnnn.

two boxes of these really yummy cupcakes were brought back!

my second portion of food.. i'm not that greedy okay this is a small plate! it's a saucer.

at least 8 boxes of pasta/antipasti, chicken wings and pizza brought back! huge spread :)

i miss Nick so much.. i wonder how tomorrow will be :(

#239 2 nights, 16 days

Just close your eyes
The sun is going down
You'll be alright
No one can hurt you now
Come morning light
You and I'll be safe and sound

-Taylor Swift, Safe and Sound ft The Civil Wars

pretty song by a pretty singer.

work was as usual.. mundane. had sushi and cheese toast for lunch today, didn't feel like eating much and i don't know why either. i've not been myself these days i feel. i think i lack human interaction as during work i can hardly talk to anyone due to everyone rushing out work while i just do work at my own pace.

from this friday to next friday i will have to share a table with my supervisor, due to the fact that the office has limited cubicles. and that means i can't do anything whenever i want anymore nooooo. i shall just bear with it since it's only for a week!

i have nothing much to say already. my life is that dull, it seems like a pretty long time since i had an up.

kitty says hi.

how apt for the 'hello' word to be there, i just realised.

#238 lucid

sometimes, i feel perfectly awake even when i'm dreaming.

i have been feeling this way for many nights now and it is taking a toll on me. how do i stop this? clearer perceptions in my sleep than when i am awake, how can this be?

i've got terrible morning blues everyday at 7.20am, when i have to wake up for work. i am always so tempted to text my supervisor to tell her that i would go to work an hour late, but i am not going to be lazy anymore thus i force myself to get my ass out of bed.

i want to live a fulfilling life. i should start planning out all that i want to accomplish. firstly i need to start with my university/scholarship applications. i must be the most unenthusiastic person about all these applications for i show minimal interest in filling up the seemingly endless forms. then again, i wonder who really enjoys doing boring administrative tasks as such right?

oh, i don't mean to sound materialistic , but i really need money :( i need money to but whatever things i want, and to actually pursue what i want to do. i want to learn new things, but going for them would require a substantial amount of financing..

money makes the world go round. it all makes sense now. we live in a material world. i hate it but i can't escape reality just like that. i've come to so many sad realisations recently that it's driving me nuts when i think of them.

#237 broke

shopping yesterday with eugeny was.......... not as fruitful as i thought it would be. only bought a bag and a top! but at least i spent less than expected (because i bought so little)

went to the IT fair to take a look and it was so crowded seriously. i hate crowds :( i want a good camera though.. why am i so broke! i need so much money to buy everything that i want!

met yj for dinner today, was supposed to pass her something but i forgot to bring. we've been passing it to each other already this is so screwed up heh. talked for pretty long and i reached home at 10? think we should meet up more often!^^

my life is so boring sigh hope bb is fine in field camp urgh i really REALLY want my phone to ring but it won't. second night today, 3 more nights to go let's go i can do this! if only i wasn't this poor i'll be able to meet xint+euge+whoever else who can make it for dinner tomorrow.. sigh.

reminiscing about the good ol' days in secondary school, when me and Euge would be camped at the back of the class with our messy desks, and we'll be reading teenage/seventeen//8days (whatever we bought/borrowed from others) during physics and Amath especially. i have a picture of our messy tables in my camera, shall dedicate a really good post to them someday. miss them all so much :) bridging sessions during higher chinese lessons, when we will find an excuse to leave the classroom separately then go to the area outside CO/DnT room to play bridge. think we were seriously hooked man, we would specially stay back in school to play for so long also! i think we were supposed to study? but somehow we would always end up playing.. good times, when we didn't have a care in the world.

missing Nutellas too, i don't give a shit about the school at all it's the times spent with them that i miss. tutorials with Mab and Lynny at the back, we would all be talking about absolutely nothing related to the lesson at all. oh, the joy of laughing. i think we would have all added so many more years to our lives due to the huge amount of laughter that we shared together :) looking forward to meeting them this Thurs! finally we are gonna head to LaksaLasagne. hopefully my throat recovers by then..

and those are the reasons why i miss school so much.

work tomorrow, 18 more days. am counting down every single day. looking forward to this saturday ^^

#236 lonelygurl93

for the whole of next week i will feel this way. i may even fall sick- 'love sick' hahaha (jinni)

okay tdy was well spent quality time, looking forward to next weekend i have detailed plans already since Nick always complains that my plans are not even plans because i never think of where to eat at-.-

feeling a teeny weeny sick now already actually. perhaps its due to the fact that i've been sleeping so badly recently and i have no idea why. i would wake up at all sorts of nonsensical timings EVERY night without fail. flu go away please.

i pray that nick and ding won't fall sick during field camp yeah..

shopping with eugeny tomorrow^^ will probably head down to the oh-so-crowded IT fair toooo.

am feeling so upset over something right. seriously i need to get over it.

#235 day out!

okay i really think this person is weird. am so tempted to copy-paste but never mind its so trivial..

Nick booked out today! in the morning, at 11+ :) i was there early (unlike last week) and because i was early i went to walk around and spent money that i wasn't supposed to-.- damnnn i should have just sat at a corner to wait and not enter any shop. shall do that from now onwards.

on leave today, headed down to Somerset for lunch and a movie. ate at Tattoria and the portions were surprisingly generous!^^ (if a NS boy says that they are generous, they are)

side note: I AM SO FREAKING PISSED AT ISETAN. STUPID PRIVATE SALES. because of private sales, i didn't manage to collect my pay! (HR not in office) this is really annoying the shit outta me, because i have very little money left for the month and i am relying on this pay which i'll probably get in God-knows-when number of years time.

after lunch we spent more than half an hour waiting for Nick's new belt to be hole punched; the puncher was bloody lousy i swear. even after waiting for so long, we realised the belt is still too loose for him and we had already left the shop. screw it, so we didn't return there. now i have an extra errand to run due to the shop having an outlet in tamp too so i have to help him ask them to punch 2 more holes le sighhh.

caught This Means War. Reese Witherspoon's a pretty lady, and both guys are charming too. Chris Pine and Reese Witherspoon both have blue eyes, so prettyyyyy! :) but the show's the predictable type, so it wasnt as good as what i thought it would be i guess..

that was basically how my day went, with a little more window-shopping (didn't manage to get anything) tomorrow's NTU open house but doubt that i'll be heading now. too lazy to get my ass there. okay wait, i cannot be so lazy anymore. scratch the previous statement. i'm not heading down there because i've weighed the opportunity costs and benefits of actually doing so and have come to a conclusion that it isn't worth travelling so far for, therefore i am not going :)

i have so many things i want to buy but i can't because i am earning way too little to support even my current spending :( my last day of work is 5th april! yayyyy! i am gonna find something that is closer to home because i seriously hate the travelling every morning and evening. it seriously sucks my life and i feel like i am conforming to the monotonous likes of how society wants everyone to be; the typical office job go-er who spends most of her life travelling on a crowded train to be confined in a cubicle for 9 hours and then travelling back home on a crowded train. i don't like the feeling of working an office job. maybe i should try again next time but for now i don't want to anymore! gonna persevere till 5th april!

shall get around to booking malaysia trip with Nick soon, i hope. and atas sleepover, HOPEFULLY.

oh and i am truly broke because i have to wait for my pay (19feb-5apr) and it is only coming in on 10 apr soooooo.. i have only a miserable amount of money left to spend for these.. FOUR WEEKS. oh my that's a whole month. i am so screwed i need my isetan pay more than ever how am i supposed to go shopping this sun? dire need for clothes HELP.

abrupt end, i need to sleep.

#234 to-do list

collect my pay.
buy new: wallet, sandals, bag, clothes.

but i might not even get to collect my pay today even though i'm heading to town.. isetan is having private sales so Alice is busy. am so damn annoyed right now i wonder how long more i have to wait..

and i really want to buy new things! hopefully Euge can take leave on sunday^^ so that we can go and shop!

#233 change

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

really meaningful lyrics :)

jinni told me about this girl, and i went to read her blog. i thought she had the 'familiar face' but now i realise it's cos i've really seen her on Facebook before HAHA (she's a friend's friend)

i aspire to be someone like her, she's so accomplished. okay i just went to jinni's blog and realised she blogged about it on the way home from work. let me quote her; this girl is 'Smart, pretty enough, talented, knows what she wants, does what she likes, in a blissful relationship. Sounds like everything a girl should be.'

i want to be like that too. i want to be someone who people will feel proud knowing, and will look up to. that's my goal. i shall learn to be a better person in order to achieve my goal. i have to stop being so lazy and whiny about all the little things in life, and focus more on achieving big! oh i shall start by brushing up on my english. no more short forms anymore i shall spell everything out in full.. that seems so proper right ;) okay lame no idea what i'm going on about.

okay Nick totally made my day while i was working. he texted me in the afternoon (usually that will make me smile already) but what he told me was that he was booking out tomorrow morning!:D okay i know many of the Ninja people would have booked out tonight, but he was down for guard duty.. so it was supposed to be that he could only book out for 3 hours each on friday and saturday. RIDICULOUS I TELL YA. i was so prepared to have a lonely weekend followed by an even more lonely week cos he was going for field camp so the bookout was a good surprise^^

i have realised that no matter how good one's achievements are, one will never be satisfied. is this part of human nature? somehow no matter how successful one is, one will still be engulfed by a stream of insecurities which leave one feeling terrible about oneself and this subsequently leads to even higher expectations. am i even being coherent? i apologise for my terrible expression of thoughts, i have not written formally in a long time.

i want to practice being someone who is fluent in her thoughts :)

I STILL WANT TO GO OVERSEAS. hope the hotel 'atas sleepover' works out i really want something to look forward to! my mum has agreed to let me go for a short trip with Nick after his BMT :D but i'm afraid there may be complications arising from the application of university courses (interviews, tests etc) so nothing's decided yet! i want something to be decided SOON.

i'm taking such a long time for this post, due to THE PHONE CALL. going to pasir ris tmr at 11+, and tomorrow will be an afternoon to town with Nick! he's meeting the guys for dinner in town so i have to go back on my own i think. crap i just realised how horrible this plan is for me i hate taking the train alone i've been doing that so often lately due to work :(

shall try to meet other people!! and i think i can FINALLY collect my isetan pay tmr! YAYYY. stupid yj didn't pick up my calls her mum picked up and we talked for awhile hee so funny^^ maybe i can meet her for dinner tomorrow after her work?

oh wait, note to self: I NEED TO CALL ISETAN OFFICE IN THE MORNING TO MAKE SURE I CAN COLLECT MY PAY I DON'T WANT TO GO ALL THE WAY THERE FOR NOTHING. >:/

what a wordy post. sorry if it seems pretty pointless to you. perhaps no one even reads, oh well.

what will be, will be :)

#232 photos!

from timbre last thurs! super blurry/dark oops. i'm waiting for the bus its taking so long so decided to upload!^^ shall blog a proper post tnight!

#231 I WANT..

TO GO OVERSEAS!! seriously. but somehow both my plans seem to be going nowhere i want a plan to be set in stone soonz so tht i'll have sth to look forward to!

am so tempted to quit my job and find some f&b one nearer (Alix asked me to go back to Bakerzin when i passed by tht day) tht can allow me to wake up at 9, earliest! but i need more money and though this current job doesn't pay that much at least it allows me to pass time w money rolling in haha. but i seriously HATE the travelling :(

I NEED MY ISETAN PAY. so that i can go shopping^^ i need new clothes!! gna be 'sick' on fri and just not go to work so tht i can sleep in.. actually it depends. if nick is not booking out on thurs night no point taking leave haha might as well earn one more day's pay right? work is so boringgg though only when i'm asked to do slightly challenging tasks then i would be more awake.

oh btw last wk's dinner w jana zj putz was funnn! :) haha finally saw them aft such a long time, but we didn't take any photos!!! oh mannn. thurs night was timbre w pei xint euge cheryl! haha we took photos but mostly they came out blurry and dark. shall upload using my phone in the next post or sth :)

my life is extremely boring now,

I RLY WNA GO OVERSEAS.

#230 differences

these 2 days i've been pretty lost and confused abt courses and all, but i guess it's normal right since i don't know anything abt basically every single university. found out so many things and thus it feels rly overwhelming. i've kind of set my mind on what to sign up for alr, but i'm still struggling abt an issue.. there's this internal debate tht both me and nick are going through and we both know what the mature thing to do is but we don't want to. childish right-.-

so i guess i'm gonna give myself one week to fully find out abt all information tht i'm supp to dig out, and hopefully make a wise decision.

wish me luck, if you do read.

i feel that it is so different for us, somehow. it's kind of an on/off thing, and i've decided that i don't like it at all. this emotional burden is making me feel so damn uncomfortable whenever i'm alone at home thinking about it..

#229 praise the Lord

amen.

i cannot be more thankful for my results. it came as such a huge surprise that i highly suspect that cambridge accidentally swapped my papers w someone else's.

but anw, seriously, i have major exams luck. i am confirmed the luckiest person in mjc! everyone (i really mean every single person: teachers+friends) was so shocked that i did this well, never expected it at all. i have been at the bottom of my class for these two yearsss. happy for nick too^^

this past week was great cos i went out every night and it was fun fun fun. although i'm rly broke now, i still think its worth the fun :)

shall blog abt the outings again.